Changing Your Child’s Sleep Routine

My friend, Nika recently asked me a question: “My three-year-old daughter, Lisa, goes to sleep relatively easily, but I always lie down next to her until she falls asleep. This practice used to be okay with me. I started it when she was a baby when I needed a nap too, but now I would like to change that. What do I do? I want to make sure falling asleep will be a positive experience in her life. I want to make this change in a respectful way.”

I wrote a few tips for Nika.  You might want to consider them before you embark on making a change in your child’s life. They are: 

1.    It’s really important to make up your mind that you are going to change the routine and accept that it is good for you and your child. It is good for her because she is learning how to sleep independently, and she is learning how to soothe herself.

2.    Spend quality time during the day in your child’s room: playing together, reading, just sitting and watching your child play; this may help her to feel more comfortable and happy in her room.

3.    Changes should not be introduced at a time when you are traveling or when you have house guests. Instead, the situation in the house should be stable and peaceful for the most part.

4.    Get a soft and comfortable toy to sleep with. It could be a new toy or an old one that your child really likes.

5.    Create a sleep routine. For example: closing windows, putting dolls to sleep, reading goodnight stories, three kisses on the cheeks and one blown kiss, etc. The more consistent you can be with the routine, the easier it will be for your child to adapt.

6.    Be sure to tell your child about the upcoming changes. This can be done the same day before you try the new routine. The explanation should be simple and short. “I know that you are used to falling asleep when I lie down next to you. It’s time to learn to fall asleep on your own. I will put you to bed and read a story, and then I will lie down with you for a little bit. After that, I will go clean up the kitchen. “

7.    Help the child to process. During the day, this scenario can be played out with a doll. Put the doll to sleep in this new way, modeling what will happen with your child.

8.    You can create your own book using photos of your child. The book can depict the sleep routine, perhaps including the waking routine as well.

9.    The first day of the change, you can stay close a little longer until your child is almost asleep, but not fully asleep. It will be beneficial for her to have a memory of you leaving rather than wake up and be alarmed that you are not beside her.

10. Many children like to hold their parent’s hand as they fall asleep but it is preferable to change this habit. When a child holds your hand, she monitors your presence and when you pull your hand gently away, this often causes her to protest. Instead, if she wants to hold your hand, gently pat her on the back or stroke her forehead.

11. Patting, stroking, and singing a song are better not to do too steadily; change the rhythm sometimes. Then your child will not be anticipating when you will stop. This anticipation may cause anxiety.

12. The last movement should be more pronounced, as it signals that you have finished helping her settle down and you are ready to depart. After all, you are not trying to sneak out. Another thing you can do is to always sing a certain song last, as a signal that you are about to depart.

13. There is a high probability that in the first few days of these changes, your child will get up and follow you to the kitchen or call to you. Be prepared for this.  Gently take her into her room and place her back to sleep. Keep speaking to her at a minimum. You may tell her ahead of time, “If you come out of your room to get me, I will bring you back here silently.”

14. Mark the first day of the new routine on the calendar. Prepare yourself for the fact that a new habit can take at least 21 days to create. (http://www.willbowen.com).

15. Show empathy, by touching, hugging, holding and using an understanding tone of voice, but don’t use this time to reason with your child. You want to keep the talking at a minimum. You can acknowledge by saying, “I see you want me to sleep with you …”

16. When you notice even slight changes in the routine, recognize them: “I noticed that today, after we read the story and I lay down with you for a bit, you stayed in bed by yourself.”

17. Try to stay calm and do your best not to show that you are expecting to hear her cry or that you are anxious about it.

18. You might want to talk about it the next day: “Lisa, I am helping you learn to fall asleep by yourself. I know you can handle it and I will be right here.”

This method can help your child slowly adjust to this new routine, create new routines, and discover self-soothing techniques.

Cheers,

Teacher Kira

To learn more about Parenting Classes and Exploration classes, visit our website: http://www.ourparentingplace.com

The Whole-Brain Child

Did you ever wonder ….: 

·         How can I help my child when he is in turmoil?

·         What I can do when my child is “emotionally flooded”? 

·         What I can do when my child has a negative experience and does not want to try it again?

If you answered yes to at least one of the above questions, I suggest you read an amazing book written by Dr. Tina Bryson and Dr. Daniel J. Siegel The Whole-Brain Child.

It seems as parents, we spend some fraction of our time connecting meaningfully to our children, while the bulk of our time is spent on just trying to survive.  Can you relate to this statement? If so, read on…

Ask yourself: What do you want for your  child?

To be:

·         Happy

·         Independent

·         Successful 

How much time during the day do we spend towards helping our children develop these qualities? 

Tina Bryson and Daniel Siegel have suggestions for us how to turn those survival moments to thrive moments.

The book impressed me with their simple step by step approach that can be applied right away. Another important element of this book -- it gives scientific explanation why certain approaches would or would not work.  The authors not only share this information with adults, but they also give us tips how to talk to a young child about brain science.  And how this knowledge can help our children and us with the ability to pause, gain control and integrate our left and right brain hemispheres, as well as our upper and lower brain. 

1/24/13 – Parenting Book Club – The Whole Brain Child, by Dr. Dan Siegel & Tina Bryson.  This discussion will be held at Orchid Daycare (safe, organic Eco-healthy environment) in Glendale. See link below for details on location, time, cost: Whole Brain Child Parenting Book Club

We hope you enjoyed the book and we will see you at our Parenting Book Club meeting.

Best wishes,
Teacher Kira and Gilda

To Punish or Not to Punish?

Yesterday, for the first time I spanked my daughter! Horror!  I still get goose bumps thinking about the incident. At the same time, I was calming my mother down, offering her my calmness even though I was boiling inside. 

Let me start from the beginning:

"My daughter, Kate went for a walk yesterday with her grandmother (my mother).  It was summer; flowers were in bloom, there were no children in the park, so Kate and Grandma decided to take a small bike ride. They walked with the bike and observed fish ponds. Kate would pedal a bit and stop, waiting for Grandma to catch up.

This was a pedestrian safe zone: playgrounds, soccer fields, baseball fields, and bike paths. It was hot, so Kate and Grandma felt tired and turned back towards home. Suddenly my daughter changed course, she left Grandma, and pedaled away as fast as she could without stopping or turning around. Grandma ran after her. She cried, 'Stop! Stop!' No response. The pedestrian zone ended and the busy road was just around the corner! My mother could not see her granddaughter. She ran, but could not catch up with her. Grandma finally reached Kate at the entrance to our home.

When I opened the door, I saw two crying people: Grandma with trembling hands and Kate complaining that Grandma had scolded her. When I realized what had happened, I was already ill! How Kate crossed the busy street - nobody knows. She said that she waited until there were no cars. Then I could only hope that she traveled on the sidewalk along the road to our house. We have heavy traffic around our place.  

Out of fear, I spanked Kate and put her in a corner. Soon of course I gave Kate a drink of water and a hug. She cried and promised she would not do that anymore.  My daughter is only 3 1/2 years old!

In the evening when Grandma called, Kate answered the phone.  Kate immediately said, 'I will not do that again!' It was great stress for all of us; at night we slept poorly.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you punish your children or remain calm?

 Do you punish your children?"

  

Photo: My friend's daughter role playing for the story.

 A mother once wrote this to me feeling confused , sad, looking for advice...  

How would you reply to her? 

 
Wishing you all the best in the difficult yet exciting journey of parenting!

Cheers,

Teacher Kira

To learn more about Parenting Classes and Exploration classes, visit our website: http://www.ourparentingplace.com

Ideas for a Science Experiment 1

This is simple and fun experiment to do with children in classroom or at home.

#1 Experiment: Pinecone Protection

We will observe the pinecones open and close all by themselves!

Materials: Pinecone
Water
Tweezers
Large bowl
Shallow dish

Procedures :
1. Examine the pinecone closely for nuts. Pine nuts can be found between the scales of the pinecone. From the outside, the nuts appear thin and papery. Remove a nut by gently pulling on it with the tweezers.

2. Pour 3” of water into the large bowl. Leave one pinecone on the table. Have the children wash the others in water for several minutes.

 3. Every few minutes, compare the wet pinecones to the dry one until the wet pinecones are completely closed. This usually takes from 10-20 minutes.

4. Place the wet pinecones in the shallow dish and leave them on table with the dry pinecone for two or three days. Observe them periodically.


What Happened:
The pine nuts inside the pinecone are actually seeds which can grow into new trees. When the pine cone becomes wet, it closes up to protect its seeds. As the pine cone dries out, it gradually opens up again.
Suggestions and Variations:

• Observe pine trees after a rainstorm to see if the pinecones are closed on their own.
• Try planting some of the pine seeds you found to see if they sprout. (They may not if they are too old or have been partially eaten by insects.)

*This was not my idea, but I tried it and I loved it.


Enjoy !

Cheers,

Teacher Kira

 Save the Date – Friday Nov 30    Christmas Drive sponsored by San Marino Chamber of Commerce. 
On Huntington Drive from 5:00pm --8:00pm.

Join us for this annual tradition as businesses open up their doors and greet residents and non, many activities for kids and families as well as art project, cider, petting zoo etc.

Open-ended Ideas for an Art Project 3

# 3 Project: Golf Ball Painting

Goals: Fine and gross motor skills development; enjoyment of the process; no right or wrong result, unique outcome; generation of new possibilities and ideas; flexibility of thought; experimentation and drawing conclusions; cause and effect; and language development.

Materials: Lid of large paper box, paper, golf balls, tempera paint, tongs to pick up balls, sorting try for the paint, place to dry art project (clothes dryer is ideal).

Procedures:

1. Choose the colors and squeeze a little bit to sorting trays.

*You could choose to separate cool colors and warm colors it will help you to keep them clean for longer time and also gives you opportunity to talk with children about cool and warm colors.

*You can get great effect if you add white, silver or gold paint into the tray.





2. Place one or two balls in each section.


3. Place blank paper in box lid.


4. Children choose the colors. They place ball into the tray and roll. You can put only one ball or you can choose to put few. You can roll it slow or fast. Try different ways of rolling.

Enjoy !

Cheers,

Teacher Kira 

• Join us for Golf Ball Painting Project on Wednesday, November 28^th 4:00 pm -  for 3-10 yrs old

at Stylish Child Store 317 North San Marino Ave. San Gabriel, CA 91775